Wednesday, July 8, 2015

"GRITS"

It all started this morning on the way to the dollar store. 

As I was driving down the back country roads near our home, my four-year-old Ryan, started to talk on his toy phone in the backseat. He then hung up, and started to tell me "My best buddy grits is cutting the grass on his lawnmower, I told you that. We see him in the window.... He's over there, I'm gonna call him back." I just kind of nodded to his words, replying with an "okay, buddy".  

Not two minutes later, Ryan was telling me that Grits's lawnmower was blue - and he was comparing it to his Papa's mower (that is red) and that "Grits is at home. Cutting the grass for Daddy." Again, I replied with an "okay, buddy." 

We get to the store, fulfill my list, check out, and load the car. As I'm backing out of the parking spot, Ryan yells "STOP MOMMA... Open that 'nindow' so that Grits can get in." I look at him with confusion, but proceed to open my passenger side window anyway. While it's open, I asked Ryan if Grits was in the car, he replied with a yes. So, I shut the window. As I was doing so, Ryan yellow up to the front seat, "Grits, you better buckle that seat belt so you can be safe!" I chuckled. 

It was a morning of many errands, and while on our way to drop some books at the library I was chatting with a friend on the phone. Ryan obviously overheard me and pointed out that I was "talking about Grits". (He asked me the same thing later on when I was on the phone telling his Daddy about Grits too!)

Such a weird morning. The weirdest part - on the way to the actual grocery store, Ryan started to refer to Grits as a baby GIRL. To me, this is so weird because as a family, my husband and I are discussing whether or not we want more kids and I most definitely want a little girl one day. Her name will not be Grits... but who knows, we may decide to use Ryan's imaginary baby girl name as her nickname! Ha! 

So thankful to have a place to share these silly stories about my babies. I hope to have many more things to share in the future! (This poor blog is dying on me!) Happy Reading, blog lovers! 

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Lord, I'm Ready Now

I just let go
And I feel exposed
But its so beautiful
Cuz this is who I am
I've been such a mess
But now I can't care less
I could bleed to death

Oh Lord I'm ready now
All the walls are down
Time is running out
And I wanna make this count
I ran away from you
And did what I wanted to
But I don't wanna let you down
Oh Lord I'm ready now
Lord I'm ready now

You called my name
I turned away
But now I
Am listening
I was so caught up
In who I'm not
Can you please forgive me?

I've nothing left to hide
No reason's left to lie
Give me another chance
Lord, I'm Ready Now, by Plumb



Wednesday, February 11, 2015

On being a Single Mom...For a week!

I've never really paid attention to what my husband does around the house. Not always what he does... but the role that he fills, or the space he takes up just being here. I've always found myself complaining about what he DOESN'T do... so this week while he's gone out of town for work - I find myself overwhelmed and lonely. I've literally slept in the middle of my king size bed (which I never get to do when he's here) and kept his office door closed so that I don't even have to see the emptiness that exists there.

He comes back home tomorrow and I can't wait, but I wanted to share some thoughts that I've had during this time of being a single Mom...

I could NEVER do all of this alone. (Okay, I could if I HAD to... but I certainly don't want to! That's why I got married!) Being a single parent is not something I've ever even considered doing or trying and I hope that I never end up in a situation where I have to learn to survive alone with my kids. I've had to be alone before when Hubs left for work but for some reason this time has been the hardest. Probably because the kids miss him just as much as I do, and ask about him constantly. It was easier when they were a little younger and didn't know any different if he was gone or home. I have a new found appreciation for those parents of kids that have to figure out how to be Mom and Dad all on their own.

Being cooped up in this house makes me feel all depressed and lonely... I'm so glad that I have friends that have called/texted to check on me and the boys. I'm even more thankful and appreciative of the ones who stopped by and visited, watched movies,  had coffee with me, or cooked me dinner! You guys are fabulous and I'm not sure why I've been so blessed to have such amazing people in my life! If my mans not home, they are definitely a good second place to his company! It helped me get through this week without pulling my hair out completely!

Another HUGE plus... I am all caught up on the LAUNDRY!

At least until Hubs gets home tomorrow and unloads his luggage! Ha!





Monday, January 12, 2015

Well. I'm over the hill.

Well, it's my birthday. I'm 29  30.

Not officially until 3:34pm this afternoon.

What can I say? It's been an interesting thirty years with a lot of ups and downs... I've learned a LOT along the way and I've made some bad decisions. I've also loved so hard it hurts, been loved, gave birth, married the man of my dreams and found some of the most wonderful friends a girl could ask for.

I thought that thirty would be hard for me... but as it got closer and today as it looms over my head... I know that I'm embraced it. In fact, I welcome it.

Closing the books on my twenties isn't that hard part... the hard part is going to be making sure that my thirties ROCK! I have dreams to meet, and places I want to see.

I'm actually happy to say goodbye to my twenties, even though I think I grew the most and learned the most in those ten years. I really learned what it means to love and be loved, deeply and forever. I also lost friends and loved ones that have helped shape and me into who I am today. But I've gained so much more from the friends and family that are still here in my life.

I'm not sure what all my thirties will hold, but I'm going to hope for the best and allow myself to dream big! (I'm hoping that a baby girl will be in my future, that's for sure!)

Most of all, I'm just happy and thankful to be alive to see my thirties. There are so many people out there that are taken from us way too early. Today, I give my thoughts and prayers to those families that have lost loved ones long before they were able to really live.





Happy 30th to me! 





These people have my heart!! 








Sunday, January 11, 2015

Change.



For many people, January is a month of resolutions. Broken promises we make to ourselves saying that "we're going to do better this year" or that "we're going to become better people". For me, January has become a month of celebration and evaluation.

This is the month that I celebrate my birth. I thank God every day for the life He's blessed me with - and this month especially I thank Him for the thirty years I've been allowed to share with my family and friends. I've been blessed beyond belief with my husband and kids, and many other people in my life that love me and depend on me.

I've also learned is necessary for me to evaluate the past year of my life. Sometimes it brings up good memories - days of laughter shared with people I love, birthdays, holidays and vacations. Other things that come up are my short comings, deaths of people that were close to me, and dark days when I felt alone and insecure in my own little world.

2014 was definitely not my year. That doesn't mean it wasn't a good year with some great memories, milestones and people... or that I have regrets. I don't, really. I just didn't strive for better in the important areas of life, nor did I allow myself to dream. I feel like I lost a lot of myself this year, and I lost some loved ones that helped shape the woman I am today. It was not an easy year for me, but I did learn a lot and now it's time to apply that in my life, to my future.

2015 is going to be a year of change.

Change is not something that comes easy for me at all.. it's actually something that has always scared me and I've never dealt with or adapted well when life threw me a curve ball. I'm a type A personality and I have a back-up plan for my back-up plans. I use lists, numbers, and pens/paper to make my world function, and I don't deal well with mess or chaos. (I do know, by the way, that my son Ryan gets it very honestly from his Momma.)

Today, my Pastor seemed to be speaking right to me when he referred to people using God as a "life-raft". I was floored. I've been praying to God only when I need him most, and not in a consistent manner. I was reminded that not only do we need to PUT God first, He already IS. He already comes first, I'm just not allowing Him to BE first.

I've seen the fruits of what putting God first in your life can bring... I want that for my family. So, around here, things are changing. While I don't expect anything to change over night, or even in a big way... I do hope that all the little things that I'm doing to better my life today will pay off for my family in the future.

Money, to me, has always been a thing of value. That's one of the first things that I've got to change my way of thinking on. Money is not meant to be valued, it's meant to be given away. What you do with your money is what should be valued - tithing, donations, saving for the future. God knew long ago that money would be the number one struggle for us as humans. (That's why it's the most talked about topic in the Bible.) Giving is a spiritual act, not a financial one. It all belongs to God anyway.

I'll also be focusing on my personal spiritual walk. While I know that this doesn't directly change things for my family, it changes me. It shows my kids that making time for God should be a priority. I gave up my mornings with God to these two crazy boys who just want to play and eat pop tarts. I need to get back to spending that one on one time each morning in the word, and in prayer. I was so easy to let that time slip away from me, but I'm taking it back. I've been living in  state of difficulties and I've had a hard time giving it all up to God and trusting Him to take care of it like I should. It's time to allow myself to change.

Did you know that 48% of "church" people only go to church one Sunday a month?? That is one scary statistic. How can we be devoted to God and to putting Him first when we can't even set aside ONE HOUR a week to worship?? I want my kids to know that attending church every Sunday is important. Not only to further their own spiritual relationships with God, but to allow them to be around other kids who believe the same as them. I want my kids to make church and God a priority, and that has to start with me.

Change is necessary in life. It helps up learn, grow, and be better people. Change is almost always hard, but it's also inevitable if you want to get out of the rut your stuck in. So look into your own life and decide, what needs to change?? What do you need to change in yourself before your life can get better?? What do you need to change in your thoughts and attitudes to get right with God and to put Him first??

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

What Being in my Twenties has Taught Me




As I approach my thirtieth year of life, I began to look back to ten years ago... when I was worried about turning twenty.

From age 20 to 29, I feel like I was slowly feeling myself mature... with only occasional relapses and moments of terrible judgement. I'd always hoped that by the time thirty came around that I'd have all my ducks in a row and that I'd smoothly live out the rest of my life just being "me"... turns out it's just not that easy.

These are some lessons I learned over the past ten years. I'm sharing in hopes that someone out there younger than me can learn from them... or at least get an idea of what to expect from their own lives?! (:


1. Sometimes you need to move out, and move back in to start your life. For me, the moving out part was simple - I was eighteen, ready to be on my own. I chose dorm living, which came with it's own set of challenges. After a year, I moved back home. I made some great friends while living away from home, but I also made some terrible grades and some bad choices (clubbing and underage drinking come to mind). Being back home really helped straighten me out - I had to get a job, and I was supporting myself through school and work. I paid my own bills and still had the support and love of family.

2. It's perfectly normal to have ZERO ideas about what you really want to do with your life. I went to college. I still have not finished college. I wanted to be a teacher... and now I no longer want to teach because it's a profession that is no longer respected. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, but working for a company for over six years in the trucking business helped keep me afloat while I was figuring it all out.

3. Real love allows you to be yourself & comes when least expected.  Love really did find me at the most importune time, but I didn't close the door. I'd been in a relationship in college - from 2004 to 2009 - and let it continue on for longer than I should have. It just wasn't right for me and for him. While I took forever figuring that out, life (and God) was busy formulating other plans for me. It wasn't but weeks after my relationship ended that I meet my [now] husband. We started talking and things progressed quickly... we were married the next spring. While it was weird, and what seemed fast to most people - was just right for us. I will never be the same again and this man of mine loves me for who I am, flaws and all.

4. Heartbreak is not something that will easily go away.  I've dated and been hurt in my life more than I'd care to admit - by people that were very close to me and that I loved dearly. I will always hold a place in my heart for the people that walked away from me, but only because they helped me realize my true self and the strength I have to go on without them.

5. Even ramen noodles can be expensive. When we got married in 2010, we made plenty of money because we were both working. We went on dates and had great times... but then when I got pregnant and decided to quit working, we went down to just one income. It's been hard at times and budgeting money is so much more difficult than I ever imagined! We've learned a lot over the past 5 years but we are finally starting to get some things right in that area and it helps. So keep that in mind... watch your money! Don't buy stupid stuff on credit you don't need!

6. I'm replaceable. (To some people).  This has always been hard on me. I'm a people-pleaser and I like to keep the people in my life happy and loved. I've always kind of thought of myself as special; one-of-a-kind;  and that what I had to offer in a friendship was unique. I will never get over the friendships and relationships that I've lost in the last ten years. It hurts. It's hard. I hate saying goodbye. It's never easy trying to move on without someone you were used to having around. I'm forever thankful for these people because they have contributed to who I am, but that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt to be replaced.

7. It's okay to still have dreams and to go after them.  While I've not finished college yet, nor do I have a career; I still have dreams! I really hope that my thirties open up more opportunities to pursue them! It's okay to dream - big and small!

8. Maturity is over-rated! Although I've dreaded turning thirty because I just don't have it "all together"... I've decided that turning thirty doesn't have to be the end of the world!! Just because I'm about to be thirty, doesn't mean I have to always ACT thirty! I figure, as long as I'm still fulfilling all my responsibilities as a wife and mother, then I should be able to do whatever I want! And if that involves spending late nights playing games with my girlfriends or staying up until 2am to finish a book that I'm probably too old to be reading in the first place, then so be it!!

My twenties weren't the easiest time of my life. They were hard, I learned a lot and I messed up a lot. After high school, I had things planned out... Go to college, graduate, get a good job, find a man, marry & have kids. Life sure doesn't go as planned, does it?! I still haven't accomplished some of those things on my list... but the ones I did accomplish have changed my life for ever and I wouldn't do a thing differently. Now that I'm almost to the THIRTY mark... I know that growing up is definitely overrated. But I'm still going to enjoy the ride!





Thursday, December 25, 2014

Happy Belated Birthday, Kyle Steven!

I'm like four months behind on this post, but I'm sitting here on Christmas thinking about my boys and this year and how they've grown!

Dear Kyle, 
Boy, you are one hard-headed, stubborn kid! (I say that with all the love I have for you in my heart!) Two years ago (almost exactly), we found out that we were pregnant with another baby and I wished for days and weeks on end that you were going to be my baby girl! I wanted a girl so badly, and even though I was a little disappointed that you weren't, I'm so glad you're mine!
Knowing you and loving you has changed my life, kid. You've stolen my heart and become such a sweet little Momma's lover boy. That was your first word, you know... Mama. It melted my heart, but soon after the words "Dada" and "Juice" took over. You still say it to me now and then - but it's more of a mimic than an actual word. But that's okay buddy, because I know one day you really will mean that word and many more. 
You are currently attached to your green silky farm animal blanket. You refuse to get into the bed without it, let alone fall asleep. You barely even let the thing out of your sight for very long. Some of your favorite foods are: baked beans, butter beans, corn, and my lemon pepper chicken (just like Daddy)! 
For your first birthday, we had a big party here at the house. We had many people come and show you all kinds of love! It was a grand celebration and I can't wait to see how you grow over the years! I love you so much, stinky! 


Love, Mom







Friday, October 17, 2014

The One Where I Say Goodbye.


"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."  
- Eskimo Proverb
- See more at: http://www.psychic-readings-guide.com/heaven-quotes.html#sthash.Y2E6VoQ9.dp
This week I've had to say goodbye and struggle with the death of THE most influential woman in my life besides my own Mother. That is my Gram. Her name is Edith Lorene Smith. I got my middle name, my compassion, and my love for all things in the kitchen from her. She taught me how to cook, bake and clean up after myself in the kitchen. She taught me basic sewing. She showed me what having a family was all about, and she would have done anything for all of us grands. She is an amazing woman and I hate that tomorrow I have to say goodbye for good. But not forever. She will live on in my heart, on my face (I think I have her eyes), and in how I live my life. She will be there in how I raise my kids; and also on my hands, neck, and ears - she left me some jewelry behind that I will cherish all of my life.


Gram and I at my house, last Christmas.


For the past two years (give or take some time), I've watched Gram struggle through chemo, radiation and all of the other hardships that come with a cancer diagnosis. She was diagnosed with lung cancer, and lost her battle this week. Thankfully, she passed away in her sleep. She's now among the angels and with the love of her life once again. I can take solace in the fact that I know she is a Christian, and that one day we will see each other again. I pray that she's up there now, watching over us and that she's no longer suffering.

The one bright spot this week has been all of the loving support from my friends and family. I don't know what I would do without these particular people. They know who they are - near and far, they are the ones that rally around me at the best and worst times of life. While some of them are new and some of them have literally been around since (or before) my birth, they all have been a huge part in my being able to survive this week.

I pray that one day my kids will know her through me, because she has been such an influence on my life. I hope to share stories, pictures and many memories about her with my boys.

I love you, Gram. I miss you.

"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."  
- Eskimo Proverb
- See more at: http://www.psychic-readings-guide.com/heaven-quotes.html#sthash.Y2E6VoQ9.dpuf


Gram, with Ryan, at dinner back in May.

"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."  
- Eskimo Proverb
- See more at: http://www.psychic-readings-guide.com/heaven-quotes.html#sthash.Y2E6VoQ9.dpuf
"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."  
- Eskimo Proverb
- See more at: http://www.psychic-readings-guide.com/heaven-quotes.html#sthash.Y2E6VoQ9.dpuf


"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."   - See more at: http://www.psychic-readings-guide.com/heaven-quotes.html#sthash.Y2E6VoQ9.dpuf

"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."  
- Eskimo Proverb
- See more at: http://www.psychic-readings-guide.com/heaven-quotes.html#sthash.Y2E6VoQ9.dpuf

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Happy Birthday, Sweet Ryan!

It's so hard to believe that my baby boy, my first baby, is going to be three years old today! So crazy!! I love being a Mom, but it's also the single most hard thing I've ever done in my life as well! Read Ryan's birth story here.



Ryan Wesley Addison   Born May 20, 2011


Ryan is my OCD child. He likes things exactly how they should be and nothing else can happen. He cries "mess" whenever he gets something on his hands. Although, just like his Momma, the kids thrives for sweets. He was doomed from the beginning! We, of course, limit the sweets, trying to get him to try to eat anything and everything under the sun... but yet he remains a super picky eater. For most meals he will only eat chicken nuggets or a peanut butter and jelly (or honey) sandwich. For breakfast he's always willing to brach out more - to waffles, pancakes, yogurt, oatmeal, nutri-grain bars, muffins, donuts, and much more. He loves most fresh fruit, and hates most vegetables. So we let him eat the toddler squeeze packets that have veggies in them. That's our compromise and for now it works.

We are trying to potty train, but that seems to be a never-ending things for him. He wears pull-ups and will go pee-pee in the potty... but refuses to go #2 in it or even tell me he has to go #2. He just runs off and makes a mess in his pants in a corner.

We're working on communication... and it's going well. His vocabulary is fantastic now for three and he already can run through some picture flash cards and know every word. He can count to ten. He knows most of the regular shapes already but refuses to learn his colors. He loves his class at church and had learned and repeated many things... his favorite being the 'clean up' song.

He's learning to be a great big brother; his nickname for Kyle is "brudder".  He gets concerned about where brother is, and he always wants to have him around when playing... although Ryan doesn't like it when Ky gets a hold of one of "his" toys. But that's pretty normal, right? His favorite question to ask me is "where brudder?"

I've been so blessed with a great toddler and even though his temper can drive me crazy (because he's exactly like me), I love him with all my heart can give. I can't wait to watch him grow up and turn into the Godly man I hope to raise him as.

 I asked Ryan some questions for his birthday. Here were his answers.


How old are you? "I'm Ryden." (Of course, this is his answer for most things!)

What's your favorite color? "Not pink. Dark"

What's your favorite toy? "Ironman."

What's your favorite Food? "Chocolate."

What's your favorite drink? "Juice."

What's your favorite tv show? "Octonauts."

What's you favorite animal? "A pig on the farm."

Who's your best friend? "Daddy."

What do you like to take to bed? "My watch."

What do you want to be when you grow up? "Mommy."

What do you like to do outside? "Bubbles." 

If you could meed someone famous, who would it be? "A big guy." (This one made me laugh!)



Happy Birthday my sweet Ryan. I love you!









 





Thursday, January 2, 2014

Instagram Photo Challenge, December



1. Red.
2. Where I stood.

3. Silver.

4. Tiny.

5. In the Cupboard.

6. Shadow.

7. 6'oclock.

8. I shop here.

9. The Weather Today.

10. R is for... my firstborn, Ryan.

11. Green.

12. Joy is... Knowing I have a husband who loves me for exactly who I am and never trying to change me!   
13. Composition.

14. Drink.

15. Lights.
16. What makes you merry...

17. Tree.

18. my BIG boy!

19. Tis' the season, to be grateful for life's blessings.
20. I'm listening to...
21. On the door.

22. Sparkly.

23. Tradition, we broke our dinner tradition this year and had steak and potatoes instead!

24. Wrapped; in a blanket with my infant!
25. Best bit of my day; dinner.

26. Where I slept.
27. What I'm doing right now.

28. Something awesome.

29. Best bit of 2013; Adding Kyle to my life!

30. Me.

31. Celebrate.

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