What can I say? It's been an interesting thirty years with a lot of ups and downs... I've learned a LOT along the way and I've made some bad decisions. I've also loved so hard it hurts, been loved, gave birth, married the man of my dreams and found some of the most wonderful friends a girl could ask for.
I thought that thirty would be hard for me... but as it got closer and today as it looms over my head... I know that I'm embraced it. In fact, I welcome it.
Closing the books on my twenties isn't that hard part... the hard part is going to be making sure that my thirties ROCK! I have dreams to meet, and places I want to see.
I'm actually happy to say goodbye to my twenties, even though I think I grew the most and learned the most in those ten years. I really learned what it means to love and be loved, deeply and forever. I also lost friends and loved ones that have helped shape and me into who I am today. But I've gained so much more from the friends and family that are still here in my life.
I'm not sure what all my thirties will hold, but I'm going to hope for the best and allow myself to dream big! (I'm hoping that a baby girl will be in my future, that's for sure!)
Most of all, I'm just happy and thankful to be alive to see my thirties. There are so many people out there that are taken from us way too early. Today, I give my thoughts and prayers to those families that have lost loved ones long before they were able to really live.
As I approach my thirtieth year of life, I began to look back to ten years ago... when I was worried about turning twenty.
From age 20 to 29, I feel like I was slowly feeling myself mature... with only occasional relapses and moments of terrible judgement. I'd always hoped that by the time thirty came around that I'd have all my ducks in a row and that I'd smoothly live out the rest of my life just being "me"... turns out it's just not that easy.
These are some lessons I learned over the past ten years. I'm sharing in hopes that someone out there younger than me can learn from them... or at least get an idea of what to expect from their own lives?! (:
1. Sometimes you need to move out, and move back in to start your life. For me, the moving out part was simple - I was eighteen, ready to be on my own. I chose dorm living, which came with it's own set of challenges. After a year, I moved back home. I made some great friends while living away from home, but I also made some terrible grades and some bad choices (clubbing and underage drinking come to mind). Being back home really helped straighten me out - I had to get a job, and I was supporting myself through school and work. I paid my own bills and still had the support and love of family.
2. It's perfectly normal to have ZERO ideas about what you really want to do with your life. I went to college. I still have not finished college. I wanted to be a teacher... and now I no longer want to teach because it's a profession that is no longer respected. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, but working for a company for over six years in the trucking business helped keep me afloat while I was figuring it all out.
3. Real love allows you to be yourself & comes when least expected. Love really did find me at the most importune time, but I didn't close the door. I'd been in a relationship in college - from 2004 to 2009 - and let it continue on for longer than I should have. It just wasn't right for me and for him. While I took forever figuring that out, life (and God) was busy formulating other plans for me. It wasn't but weeks after my relationship ended that I meet my [now] husband. We started talking and things progressed quickly... we were married the next spring. While it was weird, and what seemed fast to most people - was just right for us. I will never be the same again and this man of mine loves me for who I am, flaws and all.
4. Heartbreak is not something that will easily go away. I've dated and been hurt in my life more than I'd care to admit - by people that were very close to me and that I loved dearly. I will always hold a place in my heart for the people that walked away from me, but only because they helped me realize my true self and the strength I have to go on without them.
5. Even ramen noodles can be expensive. When we got married in 2010, we made plenty of money because we were both working. We went on dates and had great times... but then when I got pregnant and decided to quit working, we went down to just one income. It's been hard at times and budgeting money is so much more difficult than I ever imagined! We've learned a lot over the past 5 years but we are finally starting to get some things right in that area and it helps. So keep that in mind... watch your money! Don't buy stupid stuff on credit you don't need!
6. I'm replaceable. (To some people). This has always been hard on me. I'm a people-pleaser and I like to keep the people in my life happy and loved. I've always kind of thought of myself as special; one-of-a-kind; and that what I had to offer in a friendship was unique. I will never get over the friendships and relationships that I've lost in the last ten years. It hurts. It's hard. I hate saying goodbye. It's never easy trying to move on without someone you were used to having around. I'm forever thankful for these people because they have contributed to who I am, but that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt to be replaced.
7. It's okay to still have dreams and to go after them. While I've not finished college yet, nor do I have a career; I still have dreams! I really hope that my thirties open up more opportunities to pursue them! It's okay to dream - big and small!
8. Maturity is over-rated! Although I've dreaded turning thirty because I just don't have it "all together"... I've decided that turning thirty doesn't have to be the end of the world!! Just because I'm about to be thirty, doesn't mean I have to always ACT thirty! I figure, as long as I'm still fulfilling all my responsibilities as a wife and mother, then I should be able to do whatever I want! And if that involves spending late nights playing games with my girlfriends or staying up until 2am to finish a book that I'm probably too old to be reading in the first place, then so be it!!
My twenties weren't the easiest time of my life. They were hard, I
learned a lot and I messed up a lot. After high school, I had things
planned out... Go to college, graduate, get a good job, find a man,
marry & have kids. Life sure doesn't go as planned, does it?! I
still haven't accomplished some of those things on my list... but the
ones I did accomplish have changed my life for ever and I wouldn't do a
thing differently. Now that I'm almost to the THIRTY mark... I know that growing up is definitely overrated. But I'm still going to enjoy the ride!
I'm like four months behind on this post, but I'm sitting here on Christmas thinking about my boys and this year and how they've grown!
Dear Kyle, Boy, you are one hard-headed, stubborn kid! (I say that with all the love I have for you in my heart!) Two years ago (almost exactly), we found out that we were pregnant with another baby and I wished for days and weeks on end that you were going to be my baby girl! I wanted a girl so badly, and even though I was a little disappointed that you weren't, I'm so glad you're mine!
Knowing you and loving you has changed my life, kid. You've stolen my heart and become such a sweet little Momma's lover boy. That was your first word, you know... Mama. It melted my heart, but soon after the words "Dada" and "Juice" took over. You still say it to me now and then - but it's more of a mimic than an actual word. But that's okay buddy, because I know one day you really will mean that word and many more.
You are currently attached to your green silky farm animal blanket. You refuse to get into the bed without it, let alone fall asleep. You barely even let the thing out of your sight for very long. Some of your favorite foods are: baked beans, butter beans, corn, and my lemon pepper chicken (just like Daddy)!
For your first birthday, we had a big party here at the house. We had many people come and show you all kinds of love! It was a grand celebration and I can't wait to see how you grow over the years! I love you so much, stinky!
It's so hard to believe that my baby boy, my first baby, is going to be three years old today! So crazy!! I love being a Mom, but it's also the single most hard thing I've ever done in my life as well! Read Ryan's birth story here.
Ryan Wesley Addison Born May 20, 2011
Ryan is my OCD child. He likes things exactly how they should be and nothing else can happen. He cries "mess" whenever he gets something on his hands. Although, just like his Momma, the kids thrives for sweets. He was doomed from the beginning! We, of course, limit the sweets, trying to get him to try to eat anything and everything under the sun... but yet he remains a super picky eater. For most meals he will only eat chicken nuggets or a peanut butter and jelly (or honey) sandwich. For breakfast he's always willing to brach out more - to waffles, pancakes, yogurt, oatmeal, nutri-grain bars, muffins, donuts, and much more. He loves most fresh fruit, and hates most vegetables. So we let him eat the toddler squeeze packets that have veggies in them. That's our compromise and for now it works.
We are trying to potty train, but that seems to be a never-ending things for him. He wears pull-ups and will go pee-pee in the potty... but refuses to go #2 in it or even tell me he has to go #2. He just runs off and makes a mess in his pants in a corner.
We're working on communication... and it's going well. His vocabulary is fantastic now for three and he already can run through some picture flash cards and know every word. He can count to ten. He knows most of the regular shapes already but refuses to learn his colors. He loves his class at church and had learned and repeated many things... his favorite being the 'clean up' song.
He's learning to be a great big brother; his nickname for Kyle is "brudder". He gets concerned about where brother is, and he always wants to have him around when playing... although Ryan doesn't like it when Ky gets a hold of one of "his" toys. But that's pretty normal, right? His favorite question to ask me is "where brudder?"
I've been so blessed with a great toddler and even though his temper can drive me crazy (because he's exactly like me), I love him with all my heart can give. I can't wait to watch him grow up and turn into the Godly man I hope to raise him as.
I asked Ryan some questions for his birthday. Here were his answers.
How old are you? "I'm Ryden." (Of course, this is his answer for most things!)
What's your favorite color? "Not pink. Dark"
What's your favorite toy? "Ironman."
What's your favorite Food? "Chocolate."
What's your favorite drink? "Juice."
What's your favorite tv show? "Octonauts."
What's you favorite animal? "A pig on the farm."
Who's your best friend? "Daddy."
What do you like to take to bed? "My watch."
What do you want to be when you grow up? "Mommy."
What do you like to do outside? "Bubbles."
If you could meed someone famous, who would it be? "A big guy." (This one made me laugh!)
Sometimes it's really hard to believe that I'm twenty seven years old now, a mother, a wife and unemployed (technically). I'm very excited for the year ahead of me, getting closer to my God, my husband and watching my son grow!! I don't have much more to say about it. I spent Sunday with my family and tonight I'm spending birthday time with my husband and son. I look forward to the lowkey celebration!
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