A Beautiful Prize Called Dignity

Doing this study on insecurity has helped me start to view myself in a new light - I'm worthy of feeling secure. I've not always felt that way.

In chapter eight we learn all about "triggers" of insecurity. These have been happening to me ALOT lately. Some triggers make one person rush straight into insecurity, and some make not affect others at all. Here are some examples that Beth Moore mentions:

• Your Mom gets that disapproving look on her face over how you parent your kids.
• You get a 3 line email response that took you a solid hour to write. 
• You met someone you really admire, and said something you consider to be stupid. 
• Your best friend of five years introduces you to a new friend from work - they laugh about people you don't know and talk over dinner like you aren't there.
• You have a new haircut, and hate it. 
• Your husband's on a business trip, and you can't reach him.
• You pour out your heart to someone and they just don't 'get it'.  

Those are only SOME of what might trigger insecurities in a person. There are many more for many people that I couldn't even begin to name. The thing with triggers though is that sometimes we take the bait, and sometimes we don't. The good thing is once we learn what triggers us, then we can start to deal with it head on and get back some dignity.

Healing something as innate as chronic insecurity takes a little time as God helps us to see where we're broken and why. We can start recognizing triggers and responding differently to them today, however. I did say today! The cycle begins to break when even though we may still feel insecure, we make a very deliberate choice not to act on that feeling. P. 148-149

I've begun to recognize mine, and the best way I've been able to deal with them is to talk to the person and be honest about how I feel and why I feel that way. My friends are starting to notice my "patterns" when I start to feel insecure!

Mine are:

1. I retreat. I withdraw myself from the group/person and get quiet. 
2. When texting/typing, I refuse to use puncuation. 
3. I get defensive. 
4. I cry. 
5. I expect people to read my mind, and figure out what's wrong so that I don't have to tell them.

 "By the time a pattern is well established, you not only feel insecure and foolish, you also feel like a failure." P. 150

So, after learning all of this about myself, I have decided that I no longer need to live life like this... in my own little insecure hole. I don't want to feel foolish anymore. I want to be the friend I know I can be and love others the way that I should no matter how they treat me.

I know Christ can set me free from absolutely anything and I'm trusting Him to do so here as well. I don't want to lost my dignity.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
Proverbs 31:25 NIV

I've finally reached a place where I feel that I can be completely transparent about my insecurities, hence this blog. This verse gives me the scriptural clothing to expose my true self, my most personal thoughts. Like Beth Moore says in the book, I'm trying to train myself to say "It's okay. I'm completely clothed" when I feel vulnerable and broken in my insecurities.

"We are not nearly as likely to react with the same level of insecurity when we remember how well covered we are by God." P. 155

Beth Moore also says that "to posses dignity is to be worthy of respect..worthy of high esteem." I am worthy of respect. I have a right to dignity because God gave it to me. That is something I now claim and remind myself on a daily basis.