Let's take the story of Sarai and Hagar in the Old Testament. Sarai and Abram tried for years to have a child of their own. When she found being infertile hard to face; she had the brilliant idea to have her maiden, Hagar, sleep with him as a surrogate. When the plan worked and Hagar became pregnant, things fell apart. Hagar hated Sarai, and Sarai abused (physically) Hagar, who then fled to the desert.
"We naturally despise people whose company we are forced to share if we feel largely threatened by them." P. 48
I've had many occasions in my life where I've felt insecure or jealous. I've also been able to trace those feelings back to something or someone that I've perceived as a threat. Personally, when I married Wesley I was not sexually active, and never had been. So for me - every girl that came before me was a threat. One in particular, Marlena (who is now one of my best friends). She had dated Wesley a long time ago (before his first marriage) and is still in his life, as a friend. So to me, at the beginning, she was sort of a major threat. I was jealous that she knew him back then and I felt insecure about their previous relationship in regards to my relationship with him at the time. I've since dealt with these issues and with time they have gone away. I am no longer jealous of her and we've actually become really fantastic best friends because I let it go and decided to give her a chance. One that without the grace of God I wouldn't have been able to give.
"Jealousy is always the result of a perceived threat. And a threat always
places a 911 call to insecurity." P. 48
The other person that I could kind of relate to was Saul. Ever heard of imposter syndrome? It's when everyone else may think you are competent and qualified, you know different. We assume that if other people knew us the way that we know ourselves, then they too would see that we just aren't good enough. Saul was tall, dark and handsome and chosen by God to be a king. But from his first public act (hiding among the baggage) to some of his worst moments (trying to kill David) he lived and breathed insecurity.
Insecurity is driven by the fear of loss - of status, of people, of love. Saul feared losing his admiration and power and he had quickly decided that David would be the one to take them, so he focused it all on him. I personally fear losing my friends more than anything. I'm always afraid that I'll say the wrong thing or we will fight and they will walk away thinking that I'm not worth it. I'm afraid of losing my husband for the same reasons. But I know that I serve a higher power - my God is Sovereign and he can deliver me from these emotions.
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (1 Cor. 10:13)
Insecurity tempts us to wallow in our self-pity and our unhealthy emotions. It gives us that feeling that there is no way out and it takes us deeper into a pit of jealousy and self-loathing. God's word says there is a way out.
God promises not to give us anything we can't personally handle, but when it's hard and when things are out of our control, He will give us what we need to get through it and survive.
"Human flesh and blood have no weakness so strong that God's strength is made weak." P. 57
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Cor. 12:9)
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