“Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly
understood that they are on the same side.” ~ Zig Ziglar
I've been observing families for a long time now, especially new ones or 'young' ones. Most of them are found within posts on a Mom Forum App that I read and comment on daily. It seems most common to me that the kids, when they are born, become the highest priority to one or both parents and the marriage gets puts on the back burner.
I just don't agree with that at all and I wish that it was more common for couples to remain each others priority in life because that is what sets the standards for which our kids will base their relationships off of. This is the kind of environment that my husband and I were both raised it and it's a philosophy that we both live by every single day.
That does not mean that my kids are not important to me, they just come second to their father. I wouldn't have them if it wasn't for him in the first place. I work to keep my husband happy just so that in return, my kids will be happy too. If we have a happy, loving and devoted relationship, our kids will one day grow up and aspire to want the same thing for themselves. At least that's the way I see it.
My husband has told me many times about how his Daddy stood up for his Mama, even to him and his sister. Comments such as, 'If you hurt her, you answer to me' or something along the same lines and my husband has continued that with our son. Anytime my son thinks it's okay to take out his anger on hitting me, my husband steps in 'We don't hit girls' or 'We aren't going to hit Momma just because she told us no'. We are trying to raise him in a healthy and loving environment, but one that is teaching him to be a man too. It's very important to me that he grow up knowing how to care for a woman and how to love a wife based off of what he sees here in his own home.
So many families fall apart these days - and a lot of it is because the parents don't tend to each other before tending to the kids/home/career/etc. Yes, all of those things are important, but not as important as the person who will still be there with you LONG after the kids are grown and gone from your home.
I read some comments online today about a woman who found out her husband was aspiring to cheat on her with a mutual friends wife... she started her comment off by saying that she had not been providing him with the intimacy he thrived for since their son was born a year ago.
Ladies, we don't have to have the sex drive of a man to keep him happy. I'm almost 6 months pregnant and believe me, the last thing I think about these days is sex. But, God made men to crave that love and attention that comes along with sex and most of the time, setting aside a few evenings a week to make time for him WILL help your relationship! You'll be happier for it too, believe me! (:
Anyways, this lady was posting on a public forum that she was upset and that is definitely understandable. I'd be upset if my husband went outside our marriage to find the satisfaction he needed... but we also have to realize that if a man isn't getting what he needs at home to feel loved and respected, then he is going to look elsewhere. Sadly, that is how God made them, but it's an easy fix if you just communicate and think about what your actions are doing to your spouse.
I've learned this the hard way and that is the biggest reason that I'm even writing this post. Life has been hard the past few months with morning sickness and growing another human inside me... but I'm doing the best I can to keep my husband happy, and therefore he has been doing the same in return. He even unloaded the dishwasher the other day without me asking at all! I love that man to the moon and back and I just pray that this message reaches and helps someone else too.
Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. But showing your spouse that you love them can be very easy - if you just open up and find out what it is they need and put them first ALL of the time.
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