Some of the remarks I've heard are:
- "Your house must be spotless with so much time to clean."
- No it's not. I do my best to keep it clean, to keep the dishes done, to do some laundry every day... but by no means is my house 'spotless'. I spend most of my time playing with my son and enjoying every moment I have with him at this amazing age where he learns so much every day.
- "Don't you want to work?"
- Sure. I'd love to get back into the real world and have a job, get some adult interaction and make some money. But that doesn't mean I am going to run out tomorrow and find one just because I want to. I've made sacrifices for my family and I intended to do everything I can to keep doing so. Not having a college degree, I'm sure that all the money I'd make in a part time job would go straight into childcare and that's just not worth it to me.
- "I'm to active to be a stay at home Mom like you."
- So, basically you think I sit around on my butt all day doing nothing? Great. Currently, I chase a toddler around all day, except for nap time. I cook, I clean, I do laundry, I care for the dog, I grocery shop, I exercise, and many other things as well. Every day around here is different.
- "It must be nice not to have to do anything all day."
- REALLY? This one makes me the maddest. Luckily, I have an amazing husband who cares for us, works hard for us on a daily basis and doesn't come home and complain about something that just didn't get done. I focus more on my son, teaching him, and playing with him. Chores come last. Yes, I pride myself on keeping my house mostly clean, but that doesn't mean I ignore my son to do those things.
I'll break it down for you. Being a stay at home Mom is the hardest thing I've ever made the decision to do.
I am on the clock 24/7.
I work very hard for very little pay.
I'm challenged on a daily basis.
The benefits vary from good to bad.
There is no chance of promotion.
My employee (my son) sometimes hates me.
I don't get sick time, or vacation time for that matter.
The majority of people in this world think that my job is easy and unimportant.
The future of my family depends on me.
If I fail, my company will fall apart and no one will be able to bail us out.
I struggle on a daily basis on understanding how to be a good boss (Mom).
My job is priceless. I couldn't put a price on it if I wanted to. I love being home with my baby.
I agree with you. When I was working and found out I was pregnant with Maddie I was in the teachers lounge and mentioned it would be my last school year, that I wanted to stay at home. Do you know that one of the teachers said to me," you cant be a stay at home mom. Now a days no one can do that. How can you put that kind of stress on your husband?" I think she was just jealous that she couldn't or something. I did try to keep my job at after school working 2 days a week, but after I paid someone to watch Maddie and the emotional stress that I went through being away from her I decided it wasn't worth it and quit when she was 5 months old. I love staying at home, wouldn't trade this time for anything. I often say that I am not a housekeeper, I am not a homemaker. And Michael knows not to expect the house to be a certain way and we still share a lot of duties. I am spending time with my kids, enjoying these years. I think there are just women who were meant to do it and nothing will stop them from doing it, like me, and there are women who would rather work.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree - I went into this decision with the mindset that I want to stay home, but if we can't make some sacrifices and make it work the we would look at our options. I could go back to work, and wouldn't have an issue with it - but at this point, I'd be spending all I'd make on childcare, so I don't see the point. (Also, since I watch another kid sometimes, that helps suffice for extra groceries and things).
DeleteGreat article. So true. I always love the comments that people make. My answer (because I'm a sarcastic sort) is usually, "yes, i have purchased stock in bon-bons and i just adore daytime television. -- right. I miss the days of having just me to worry about at work from 8-5p, talking with adults, exercising or running errands ALONE at lunch, sitting and reading a book at lunch, or whatever...but I only miss the IDEA of it...I wouldn't trade my life for that ever again. i LOVE being home with my kids. It's the best decision we made for our family and our kids. I LOVE that i'm here for them, that i'm with them, that I read to them and play with them and walk with them. But BOY AM I BUSY! I know what you mean, it seems there's still never enough time. I used to think, wow, if i stayed home i'd be in such great shape and the house would be spotless but I never have time to exercise, after 20 minutes there is always SOMETHING that has to be managed making an hour workout impossible. The house is a disaster because we are HERE in the house not at daycare and work. But i love it. Thanks for the great article.
ReplyDeleteA-freakin-men!!! We SAHM's are the most underpaid (monetarily) CEO's out there!! Unless you've been there, there is no way you can understand why it could possibly take 3 hours to empty a dishwasher, 2 hours to load the washing machine, or 1 hour to make a sandwich!! :) Many times, we are offered words of support and encouragement from other SAHMs or from those who used to be SAHMs, but we are looked down on and sometimes even laughed at by some moms working in corporate America. "Must be nice, not having to work..." I was once told.
ReplyDeleteMost of us with support from our spouses, wouldn't trade this time with our kids for anything. Would I love to still be earning my old paycheck? Absolutely!! Would I enjoy the adult face to face time with my work friends? Sure! Would I trade all that for quality face to face time with my girls? No way..
If you cannot afford to be at home and have to work outside the home, I fully understand!! I know many women that would love to stay at home with their kids, and they just can't afford it right now. If you can manage to swing your budget so that you or your spouse is able to stay at home with your kids, I promise you, you won't regret a minute of it. There is no replacement for being a part of all their "firsts"...first smile, first laugh, first steps, etc...I am not trying to rain on anyone's parade, and I hope I haven't offended anyone, but I'm just sharing my experience. I love being a stay at home mom. Is it chaos? Sometimes, but its my chaos and I love it.
I totally agree and I used to hear some of the same statements. Being a stay at home mom is the most priceless, the most difficult and the most important job on the planet.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to play devil's advocate, since all of your commenters are, themselves, SAHMs. I have worked both inside and outside the home since my son's birth three years ago. Was the time with him more rewarding? Of course! Was it hard? Of course. Was it harder than what I do now? Not necessarily. I find it insulting that someone would think that I wasnt' MEANT to be a SAHM. That I wouldn't prefer to spend my days getting paid in my son's smiles and my daughter's laughs. Just because a woman works outside the home does not mean that she is any less in love and awe of her children and this seems to be what SAHMs imply when defending their choice to stay home. My son is loving, playful, and so smart. I do not think that I have negatively impacted any of these attributes by going back to work. Life is hard...mine, yours, and everyone in between. We all have our obstacles. We simply choose to overcome them in different ways. In the end, all I really want to get across is that I can show you a SAHM saying something insulting to a working mom just as much as the opposite is true.
ReplyDeleteI work very hard for very little pay.
ReplyDeleteI disagree. Your pay is smiles and slobbery kisses. I wouldn't trade it for a million dollars.
In this case, I meant monetary. But I do agree with you, the rewards FAR outweigh the loss!!
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