Worry.

If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. 

 It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep.  ~Dale Carnegie

Lately I've been dealing with my own insecurities and how I fit into my place within my circle of friends. Things as of late have been a bit hectic and busy for a lot of us, and sometimes that means that people that are essential to our lives get left behind or pushed aside. I know this, and I'm sure that I've done this to some of my friends at one point in my life or another - but this weekend it felt like it was my turn. I literally felt alone in the crowd of people that I love and wanted to be around... and that in turn put me into this funk that was hard to get out of. 

I personally have not dealt with a lot of depression in my life - I did experience some baby blues after my first son was born, but came of it with some ease and with the help and clove of close friends and family. It came and went pretty quickly. 

That being said, I have people in my life currently that are battling their own versions of depression and sometimes the signs are easy to spot when things have gotten bad for them. Other times, it's not so easy. I want to be there for them, but sometimes I'm just not sure how to be, or what to do to make things better. 

There may not be anything specific that I can do at this point other than let them know that I am here if they need me, or tell them that I love them as much as possible. 

This particular weekend, I found out that a very close friend of mine was struggling with basically the same things that I've been reeling over... and it dawned on me that if I could just side aside my pride and stop telling people "I'm fine" when I'm not... then maybe I could learn to help other people just by opening up and talking about what's bothering me. It was so eye-opening to realize that my feelings were actually justified and that I was not alone at all in how I felt. That was such a comforting moment for me... and to know that just talking about it and showing someone else that THEY are not alone could in turn help me as well. 

On another note: 

Yesterday my husband and I had a conversation about the future we are facing by adding a second child into the mix. I've considered how it would change our lives over the past eight months, but now that I'm literally a month (or less) from Ky's arrival... I find myself thinking about it more and worrying about how hard it is actually going to be on me since I am a stay at home Mom. All the responsibility for the newborn and the toddler will fall on me majority of the time. 

I'm mostly concerned with my own lack of sleep, as well as the attention that both boys will receive from me and their father. We had that conversation where I explained to him that I am worried about my toddler, Ryan, not wanting to be with me because I'm caring for the newborn and he in turn might be spending more time with Daddy... I want both boys to have equal attention from us both. I can only hope that it works out this way, I want Ky to have as much attention from his Daddy as I want Ryan to get from me as well.

I know these concerns are normal and very much justified... and I know that I shouldn't be worrying about it all so much but these are the thoughts that keep me up at night. These are the things that I worry about. 

I can only pray that God gives me the strength and wisdom that I need to get through both of these situations and that my friends truly know how much they mean to me, even though I am not always strong enough to say so. 

And on a funny note: