Parental Hot Topics: The Cry it Out Method

Apparently the actual name for this technique is ‘ferberizing’. 

Named after a Doctor Richard Ferber, the gist of this method is this: if you put your baby in the crib and leave them alone, they’ll cry – but not forever – and then they’ll fall asleep. Eventually, they learn how to self-soothe themselves.

Sounds pretty easy, right?? Not always.

The hardest part of doing this every night is the crying and the screaming, up until the point when the baby gets used to the routine and only cries for a few minutes before realizing it’s time to go to sleep.

Ryan, my son, who is now 15 months old, took to this really well. A whole lot better than I expected actually. I started doing this with him at the age of 6 months. I had him on a kind of flexible schedule. When I did put him down for bed it was typically around 8 pm. He’d cry for 10-15 minutes and then fall asleep. He’s been putting himself to sleep since then on his own. Now that he’s a little older, he doesn’t really cry anymore, he just plays with the stuffed babies in his bed before falling asleep. Some times it’s 15 minutes, and sometimes it's two hours.

Here is how you actually do this method correctly and get good results, according to Dr. Ferber. I took all of these thoughts and ideas from my head, my experience, and a few other sites that I looked over and researched. I hope that someone else can benefit from this.

Once your child reaches 5 or 6 months old, they are old enough to benefit from an actual routine. So, create a bed time routine that works for your family. Ours is this: dinner, bath, play for 30-45 minutes, brush teeth, read Goodnight Moon, go to bed. Put them in the bed while they are still awake. Say your goodnights, pat and comfort them while they roll around and get comfortable, and then leave the room.

Crying is expected, so be prepared for it. Ryan still cries initially when I put him down. If this is the first time, they will probably scream and make themselves sick. The key is to keep your reactions the same every time you go check on them. Pat and comfort them while they are still in the crib, but don’t pick them up or feed them. (Of course, if they do make themselves sick, you are going to want to clean that up and start over.)

It’s important to check on them in regular intervals especially until they get used to this new routine. You have to pick a timing that works for you – it can be every five minutes or every fifteen minutes. But check on them, pat them, and then leave the room again. Over the course of the first week, start to spread out the timing of when you check on them. Ferber termed this as ‘progressive waiting’.

How long should you leave them alone? In his book, Ferber suggests these intervals:

• First night: Leave for three minutes the first time, five minutes the second time, and ten minutes for the third and all subsequent waiting periods.
• Second night: Leave for five minutes, then ten minutes, then 12 minutes.
• Make the intervals longer on each subsequent night.

For most babies, it only takes about a week or sometimes two weeks before they realize this is a routine and they get used to it. They will learn that crying won’t get them out of the crib, and they will learn how to fall asleep on their own.

The point of all of this is for your baby and you to both get a good night’s sleep, with as little drama as possible. It’s also a good way to help your baby gain some independence. The most important thing to remember is to be CONSISTANT! This quote from babycenter.com sums it up well; “Parents who've been through sleep training agree that consistency is the key. Unless you realize that your child simply isn't physically or emotionally ready and you decide to put the program on hold for a while, follow through with it for a couple of weeks. When your baby wakes you up at 2 a.m., you may be tempted to give in and hold or rock him, but if you do, your hard work will be wasted and you'll have to start over from square one.”

You are free to modify this basic premise to fit your own needs. You know what works best for your family and what doesn’t. No one likes to think that they are putting their child under any un-needed stress, but in my personal opinion, this method is actually designed to help avoid unnecessary crying. Keep in mind though that if this method works on one child, it’s not guaranteed to work on another, even one in the same household.

A lot of parents believe that this ‘cry it out’ method is needlessly harsh on such a young child and that it can leave emotional scars. I just don’t personally agree with that.  

You are welcome to your own opinions, of course, but this method worked for Ryan and us. I was so thankful that Ryan caught onto this so quickly. Now, I can lay him down and trust that he will go to sleep on his own while I get done what I need to do before bed – whether it’s clean the kitchen, read a book, watch a movie, or write a blog post. ( I do keep on the video monitor near by just so that I can keep an eye on him. )

Here is an excerpt from an article I found on the subject that sums up how I feel and what Dr. Ferber has to say as well…

Human babies are hardwired for near-constant holding, breastfeeding, and having their other needs met quickly -- the hallmarks of AttachmentParenting, Narvaez points out -- in order for their brains to develop properly. Even Dr. Richard Ferber, whose sleep-training method is commonly called the Cry It Out Method, says that he never intended parents to completely ignore their babies' nighttime tears.

"I've always believed that there are many solutions to sleep problems, and that every family and every child is unique," he said in an interview with BabyTalk. "People want one easy solution, but there's no such thing. I never encouraged parents to let their babies cry it out, but one of the many treatment styles I described in my book is gradual extinction, where you delay your response time to your baby's wakings. I went to great pains in the second edition to clarify that that treatment is not appropriate for every sleep issue, of which there are many."

In any instance, if your baby is crying so hard they can’t breathe, this Doctor doesn’t say “just let them cry” he encourages you to go and comfort them, just don’t pick them up because that defeats the purpose. 

I think using this method, or some version of it can be very beneficial to the baby and to the parents. Not every Mom feels the same way that I do about this method, or even about allowing a baby this young to have that independence. Some parents are more into the attachment and the bond with their baby that even considering doing something like this is stressful for them, and that's okay. Just don't criticize those of us that need some separation.