I never knew...

I never really knew how hard being a parent was going to be. Today, my son had to get his first round of immunizations to prevent all those crazy childhood diseases. He's two months old and it broke my heart to see him break out into those tiny tears and scream in pain. I knew it was going to be hard to watch him go through this, but I didn't know that his cries would make me feel like me heart was literally breaking into a ton of little pieces.

I never really knew how nervous I would feel leaving my baby with a stranger, but I did it on Sunday. I left him in the nursery at church for the first time and I was proud of myself for not crying. But I was shaking the whole time and I went to get him right after. The girl said he did great, drank his bottle and she changed his diaper. That made me feel good. I don't know how I'll deal with it the day that he is the one with separation anxiety and not me! It's a completely different feeling than just leaving him with my Mom or Wes's sister.

I never really knew how much WORK it would be to maintain this house while keeping up with my little one. I seriously feel like I'm weeks behind on my house work and that I will never be caught up again. Why didn't someone warn me??

I never really knew how much it would bother me when random friends on facebook give me parenting advice. The issue I have is that Ryan is MY kid... he's my son and I have the right to parent him. If I wanted advice on something, I would ask it. But getting random FB messages telling me that I should or shouldn't do something... that just pisses me off and makes me not want to talk to you about my kid.

I never really knew how much I would appreciate my true friends... My best friends Marlena and Kimberly have been there with me since the beginning of this thing - holding my hand, crying with me, laughing with/at me and telling me that everything was going to be okay. I believed them, and everything is turning out to be okay. I just wanted them both to know how much this all meant to me. Having them by my side for the past year has meant more than I could ever truly express to them and I'm so thankful to have them both in my life.

I never really knew that I would want to maybe NOT teach after all. I've been considering my options lately... and one day when we can afford for me to go back to school, I'm not sure I want to finish my degree in Early Childhood Education. Wow. I never thought those words would come out of my mouth - or in this case, onto the screen. (: I don't know yet what I will do, but for now, my life is a completely open book with a lot of blank pages, no plots in mind. One day I will get to decide what to do, until then, I have a lot to think about and a lot of time to spend with my handsome son!