On being a Mom...

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.
A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.
~Sophia Loren

It was last night on the phone with my cousin/best friend that the realization first hit me since I found out that I'm expecting... I'm going to be someone's Mom.

Now, don't get me wrong. I knew that... that's what happens when you get pregnant. The problem is, I had not yet thought about all the things that come with being someone's Mom.

• years of home work, birthday parties, lunches, school dances, football games and parent teacher conferences
• molding them into little polite and well-mannered humans
• teaching them many things that one day they will hopefully appreciate me for: how to drive a car, balance a checkbook, do their own taxes, make friends, that sometimes life is disappointing
  
• watching them grow up into the adults they are meant to be and praying that I don't screw it up somehow
• learning to appreciate my own mom for doing this before me, and doing such a great job
• responsibility for someone else's actions 24/7
  
• thinking once for myself and then twice for my kids
  
• starting my own holiday traditions
• realizing that one day my teenager is going to hate me for a while, and trying not to take it personally

I'm sure there are a TON of other things I could add to this list... but I'm already overwhelmed! It's so weird to think about being responsible for another human being. I am having to remind myself daily that these feelings are normal, and that I can do this. I am strong enough for this.

I guess I'm mostly just afraid of the things that will happen one day... the growing up, the resenting me for one thing or another, and the blaming me for ruing their lives. I just hope that God will give me the strength I need to get over these thoughts and help me to keep going and to be the best Mom that I can be to my baby. Being a Mom for the first time is a little scary... I have to admit - but it's not the labor I'm scared of. It's what comes after that. It's raising the child. Hoping and praying that I don't ruin them, or spoil them.

Please pray for me! I need some real spiritual support right now!