Miley Cyrus is allowed to grow up, even if it's uncomfortable for the rest of us

Let me start by saying I’m no Miley Cyrus fan. I am not a tween girl who has ensured her rank as #29 on the Forbes Celebrity 100 List, nor have I bought a single one of the more than 4 million albums she’s sold. That $86 million she’s raked in through the world box office? Not a cent of it was mine. In fact, her self-satisfied brand of music/ acting gives me such a flashback to my middle school nemesis that I’d rather cut my own head off and throw it out a window than have to endure an entire episode of “Hannah Montana.” That said, I am genuinely uneasy about the public lashing she’s been getting this week. Do we really have the right to be this angry about the burgeoning sexuality of a 17-year-old?

Fans (well, parents of fans) would say yes, and to an extent, they are right. The logic is pretty simple: If you’ve made your millions by being the Disney-endorsed idol of young girls everywhere, you’ve got to be pretty careful about how you expose your fan base to the fact that you are becoming—physically, mentally, and sexually—a woman.

So far, Miley’s ascent into womanhood seems anything but careful. Between performing on a stripper-esque pole for the Teen Choice Awards and having her phone hacked to release numerous half-clad self-portraits, tween fans have gotten an eyeful of her awkward stage. Last week, when the release of the video for her single “Can’t Be Tamed” went kookily overboard to prove its lyrics (watch it below), the media took issue with everything from the price of the corset she wore in it to the fact that she wore one at all. Again, the logic is simple: If all the young girls who want to be just like Hannah Montana start flapping their feather-n-leather crotches, well, we’ve got problems.

Less simple? This week’s so-called “lap dance scandal,” in which a then 16-year-old Miley can be seen giving a “graphic a lap dance” to a 44-year-old man at last summer’s wrap party for “The Last Song.” Sound questionable? That’s what TMZ, which leaked the video, is counting on. Their clip (seen here) makes it even more so, featuring a bump-n-grind so slowed down and tightly shot that it’s impossible to see it as anything but a clothed sex act. The facts—that Adam Shankman wasn’t some random pervert, but an openly gay producer on “The Last Song” and friend of Miley’s—have all been forgotten in the rush call a 17-year-old a w----.

And this is the part where I throw my hands up a little with the nuttiness of it all. Really, America? We’re going to berate Miley Cyrus over a little dirty dancing done in her private life? Because while I understand the complications inherent in a tween idol sexing it up in a made-for-mass-consumption video, I just can’t see how her dancing sexily at a private party, in which she had no idea she was bring taped, is any of our business.

Here’s the deal, for all those who have forgotten how this thing called “growing up” works: Miley Cyrus is a girl who is becoming a woman. She’s brimming with a lot of the stuff the rest of us had as teenagers—loaded sexuality, unsteady boundaries and limited common sense. While her tween idol status keeps her on the hook as far as her public persona goes, in private, she’s going to goof up a lot. She’s going to do what other teenagers do—getting a little too down on the dance floor, and taking endless photos of her half-dressed self as she tries to get a handle on her own sexuality. In other words, she’s going to take a lot of steps that make us uncomfortable. And you know what? It’s her right to do so.

Our right, as consumers, is to stop buying what she’s selling if we don’t like it. We can talk to our daughters about what they see and even what we wish they didn’t see. We can do everything in our power to make their own ascent into womanhood a little less fraught. But calling a teenage girl a w---- for dancing? That’s just ugly and wrong-headed at best. I don’t care how many fingers are trying to tap Miley as the next Lindsay/ Britney disaster, the minute we start judging a teenager in her private trajectory from girlhood to womanhood, we’re the ones with a problem.
by Mira Jacob, Shine Yahoo Staff